“Okay ka lang, Ate Gwyn?”

Akala ko naitago ko na pero napansin niya pa rin. Malakas siyang bata kahit may sakit sya hindi niya pinapakita kasi ayaw niya din akong mag-alala. He’s stronger than me. I’m the eldest pero siya ang nagpapalakas ng loob ko.

I ignored his question and asked him what he wanted for breakfast instead.

“Bread and cheese, ate. Madaming madaming cheese!”

“Hahahahaha!”

I laughed hard at his cuteness and pinched his cheeks. He’s a strong warrior but he’s still a baby and will always be like that for me. He’s my everything.

“Okay, madaming madaming cheese like ate.”

“Opo, just like ate.”

“Just hurry up at pupunta pa tayo sa hospital.”

Biglang lumungkot ang mukha niya. Alam kong ayaw niya sa hospital because of the painful memories namin dun with Mama and Papa, ngayon sya naman. Kahit sobrang bata niya pa nun ramdam niyang may masamang alaala kami sa mga hospitals.

“I know you don’t want to go pero kailangan nating pumunta Nic.”

“Hindi kita iiwan, Ate.”

Niyakap ko na lang siya. Ayokong aminin pero natatakot talaga ako. Ayokong mawala siya sa akin dahil siya na lang ang meron ako.

“Ate will be there for you. And also Doc Ian, di ba gusto mo siya?”

“Okay, Ate. I will play a lot with Doc Ian.”

“That’s my good boy. Let’s eat para mabilis tayong matapos sa hospital at makapaglaro kayo ni Doc Ian.”

“Roger that, Ate.” Sabi niya sabay salute pa.

Ginulo ko ang buhok kasi sobrang cute niya talaga.

“Ate! Nagugulo po.” Sabi niya sabay pout. He really hates when I tousle his hair.

'My little baby is growing up, fast. A little too fast.'

I laughed at the thought.

“Sorry.”

I fixed his hair and continued eating.

•°=°•

Nakatingin ako ngayon kay Niccolo habang nasa loob sya nursery ng hospital at naglalaro mag-isa.

'Tingnan mo ‘tong batang ‘to. Gusto niyang laging nasa nursery or park pero hindi nakikipaglaro sa ibang kaedad niya. Napakamature niyang mag-isip.'

~+_ FLASHBACK _+~

“Bakit hindi ka nakikipaglaro sa ibang bata na kaedad mo?”

“Kasi naman ate, they’re so immature. When I said I don’t want to let them borrow my toys they can’t understand. They just cry and it looks like I’ve done something wrong to them.”

“Hahahahaha! You just act and think like a mature grown-up than them. Pero dapat nakikipaglaro ka sa kanila, paano ka makakaroon ng friends?”

“You’re more than enough, Ate.” He said nonchalantly.

I hugged him tight ‘cause he’s just so cute. My living teddy bear.

~+_ END OF FLASHBACK _+~

I laughed at the thought.  But the happy memory faded away when Doc Ian approached me.

'This is the present, the reality.'

“How is he, Doc Ian?”

“I’ll be straightforward with you, Gwyn. Kailangan na ni Nic ng surgery as soon as possible. We’re looking at ten to twelve months at most.”

“Look at him, Doc Ian. Ang bata pa niya. Five pa lang siya, dapat ngayon napasok na siya.”

Unti-unti akong tumingin kay Doc at inalis ang mga namumuong luha sa mga mata ko.

“I’m sorry, Doc. Masyado akong nagiging emotional when it comes to him. Siya na lang ang meron ako kaya in whatever way hahanap ako ng pera para sa surgery niya.”

“I don’t want to pressure you pero ito lang ang solution kundi unti-unti syang manghihina at hindi na kakayanin ng katawan niya. Alam kong mahirap para sayo na makita siyang nasa hospital pero ito lang ang paraan except magkakapagpaopera na siya. For now kailangan niya munang manatili dito sa hospital until surgery for close monitoring.”

“I understand, Doc. Hindi ko hahayaang may mangyari sa kanya. I’ll find way.”

"Don't stress yourself too much. You know he needs you more than anything else."

Tumingin si Doc Ian sa loob ng nursery at ngumiti sabay kaway.

Tumingin din ako sa nursery at nakita kong nakatingin sa amin si Nic. Ngumiti na lang ako para di siya mag-alala. Ngumiti din sya pabalik at tumakbo palabas, papunta sa amin.

“Hi, ate. Hi po, Doc Ian.”

“Hi din, strong young man.” Sabi niya sabay gulo ng buhok ng bata na nakapagpalambot ng puso ko.

'At si Nic, inis na naman kasi nagulo ulit ang pinamamahal niyang ayos ng buhok.'

I smiled but then I exhaled a sad sigh.

Umupo ako para magpantay kami ng tingin ni Niccolo. Tiningnan ko siya sa mga mata. I need him to understand though I know he will, he’s smart after all.

“Nic, kailangan mong magstay na muna dito sa hospital. I hope you understand, this is for you. Araw-araw pa rin naman kita bibisitahin kapag may oras si Ate in between work. Don't worry, aalagaan ka ng mabuti ni Doc Ian.”

“I understand naman po, Ate. But I want you to be honest with me, am I dying?”

Nagkatinginan kami ni Doc dahil sa tanong niya. Despite his age, he’s remarkably smart. It's normal to for him to understand such things, besides it's his body.

'But I have to lie.'

“No! Of course not, baby. Don't say that again, it saddens me. Saka hahayaan ko ba naman na mangyari yun sayo. Believe in me. Kailangan ka lang bantayan ng maigi ni Doc Ian kaya kailangan mong magstay dito."

"Okay po, Ate. Basta promise po na you will always visit me po, ha?"

"Good boy. And oo naman, promise I will always visit you. I love you my one and only."

•°=°•

Kakatapos ko lang umiyak nang may kumatok sa pintuan namin. I opened the front door and saw it’s Aunt Gracie.

Matapos ko siyang papasukin at paupuin ay nakita niya ang mga namumugto kong mata kakaiyak.

“Oh, my poor baby. Tell me what happened.”

Hinila niya ako at biglang niyakap. Sinabi ko lahat sa kanya at umiyak na naman.

She caressed my head like a delicate baby. Kahit pigilan ko ay patuloy sa pagluha ang mga mata ko. Hinayaan lang ako ni Aunt Gracie na umiyak nang umiyak na parang bata na naagawan ng laruan.

Aunt Gracie is a mother figure to us. Being an orphan we found love through her. Pero hindi naman namin siya pwedeng abalahin sa mga problema namin sa lahat ng oras. Matanda na si Aunt kaya dapat hindi na din kami laging kasama sa isipin niya. Mahirap na ang buhay ngayon ayaw na namin dumagdag.

“Aunt, may alam ka po  bang pwedeng trabaho? Legal man o hindi, kahit ibenta ko na po ang katawan ko gagawin ko, kahit anong trabaho lang Aunt. I’m really this desperate, I can’t lose Niccolo too. I don't know what to do if I lose him. I'm definitely gonna lose my mind this time.”

Umiiyak na naman ako. Ayoko nang umiyak pa pero ‘di ko talaga mapigilan. Lahat gagawin ko para hindi mawala sa akin si Niccolo. He's my life, my one and only.

“I don’t want you to be in this state. Meron akong alam na trabaho pero hindi mo kailangan tanggapin yun. May iba pang paraan kahit pa sabihin nating sobrang laki ang bayad."

"Ano pong trabaho? Desidido na po ako basta malaki ang bayad. Basta sapat sa pagpapagamot ng kapatid ko. Kahit ano pa yan, para po sa kapatid ko 'to Aunt Gracie. Please tell me."

She sighed, halata mo namang napipilitan si Aunt Gracie sa sobrang pagiging desperada ko. Wala na akong pakialam.

"May mayamang pamilya na naghahanap ng pwedeng maging surrogate. They want to have a great-grandchild for their only heir.” Sabi ni Aunt Gracie na may malulungkot na mata.

I immediately understand what she meant by that.  She’s the one that taught me na ibigay lamang ang sarili sa taong mahal ka at sa panahong handa ka na. But now, I have to give up everything I’m protecting, my virginity to an unknown man I’ve never met.

'I don’t have anything more to give, this is my last resort. This is for my brother. My life.'

“Ano pong requirements, Aunt? I’ll work hard to achieve those goals in as short as possible.”

She sighed again kasi alam niyang buo na ang decision ko. Kahit labag sa loob namin pareho wala na akong ibang pagpipilian.

'Everything comes with a sacrifice.'

“You have all the requirements they need, iha. Maganda ka, matalino, at virgin, you're sure to exceed their expectations. But, is this alright to you?”

‘My virginity in exchange for my brother’s life. It’s alright. It’s worth it.’

I don't want this but nodded my head in response. I just need to convince myself that everything will be okay with this one time. It is a win-win situation.

"Are you sure? You can still change your mind. Madaming pang ibang paraan, Gwyn. Hindi mo kailangang tanggapin itong trabaho na ito. Yung marangal at hindi ka maaagrabyado."

"Wala na po akong ibang pagpipilian, Aunt. And I've already made up my mind. There's no other way. I have to give this once in a lifetime chance a shot."

“Sige kung buo na ang desisyon mo. I’ll let them know and take you there, first thing in the morning. Ready yourself.”

•°=°•

Thaddeus’ Point Of View

“How long are we going to wait for a great-grandchild, Ryden Thaddeus? We are already nearing our deathbed. I hope before I leave this world I will see a little prince or princess running around our home once again.”

Here we go again, my great-grandmother asking again for a great-grandchild but I don’t have a woman to fuck in the first place. How long are they gonna ask for it, it's like this everyday. I thought this is just one time but it’s like this for over months.

“For God’s sake Gran, please stop with your sentiments. You are not nearing your deathbed and you know that I’m not capable of fulfilling this wish of yours. I’m not dating anyone in the first place.”

“Hay, naku iho. Then date someone, anyone, as easy as that. Or are the rumors true? Bading ka ba?”

“No! Of course not, Gran! Where did that rumor come from? I am not a gay and it is not as easy as that you thought it is."  I said stressing every word.

“Then find a woman to pipe down the rumors. Don’t tell me you’re planning to die with your virginity?! You’re no longer getting younger.”

Pumasok sina Dad and Gramps. Napabaling sa kanila si Gran at lumapit kay Gramps and let out a fake cry.

“Look at him, Hector. Ayaw niya tayong bigyan ng apo sa tuhod, wala pa din siyang pinapapakilalang babae sa atin, is he gay? Are the rumors true? Bading ba ang apo natin? I hope not."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. I’m out of words to say at this moment.

“Mom, don’t force Thaddeus and he is not gay. Right, son?”

“Yes, dad. I’m straight as a rod. You already know that.”

“Of course! For all the girls that came crying and saying either you broke their hearts or you got them pregnant.”

Dad and I let out a good laugh.

“Then give me a great-grandbaby! And Rylus, wag mong kinukunsinti yang anak mo.” Gran ordered as if it's easy like ordering in a driveway thru.

“Mom, just let him be. He will have a child of his own when he’s ready. Please don’t push him.”

We’re running around in circles here. Nagger talaga kapag matanda na. But don’t get me wrong, I love her nonetheless.

“I don’t have a woman. How am I supposed to have a baby?!”

'If I already have a woman they will not act like this ‘cause I will fuck her day and night, a countless times until I get her pregnant.'

But the problem is don't, not that I'm gay, for all seriousness.

I sighed again.

“Then marry Quinzella. Magandang bata yun and one more thing is that you’ve known each other since primary. Vallejo’s and Stevenson’s nuptials will be the wedding of the year and the talk of the town.”

Quinzella Malija Vallejo, a known designer and the heiress of the famous restaurant chains here in Batangas. Beauty and brain as they say but she’s a manwhore, definitely not my type.

“Absolutely not her, Gran. She’s with different men every night. Eww. I don't like her, sya lang 'tong parang higad lagi kung makadikit kapag nakikita niya ako."

She shook her head in annoyance at my retort.

“Kung hindi mo siya gusto then, fine! I’ll find a woman for you. I’ll pick the best surrogate, with great genes, beauty, brain and all.”

“Pero Gran, please? Don’t be like this.”

“No buts, Thaddeus. Be ready. I will have a great-grandchild in one way or another.”