“Alexander Aron Velasquez Dixon, do you take Ysabella Marie Guzman to be your wedded wife, to live together in marriage?” father looked at the man in front of me who is holding my hands and boring a hole on my face by glaring at me with his cold dark eyes.

I tried my best to keep up. His glare, it’s consuming me with fear and extreme nervousness. It’s empty, cold and scary. It’s the face that he shouldn’t be wearing in this very special day.

“Do you promise to love her, comfort her, honor and keep her for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and forsaking all others, be faithful only to her, for as long as you both shall live?” father continued.

My body is trembling, it’s so cold. My heart is beating so fast that it hurts. This should’ve never happened. He shouldn’t be here, standing in front of me, wearing a fine tuxedo that fits him so well. He shouldn’t be wed today…to me.

“I do,” his cold-baritone voice answered. I don’t know if it’s just me but, the way he said it, it was so empty and unwanted. Just from looking at him, anyone can tell he doesn’t want any of this.

If only I didn’t let myself be driven by those desires. If only I stopped myself. None of this will happen, even this day won’t happen. There’s no one else to blame but me. It’s all me, they told me.

My breath trembled as he tightened his grip while holding my hands. It hurts, a lot.

“Ysabella Marie Guzman,” the father called my name. I gulped for I know it’s my turn. “Do you take, Alexander Aron Velasquez Dixon to be your wedded husband to live together in marriage?”

I bit my lower lip and tried to stick all my attention to him despite of the mere hideous feelings I am suffering at the moment.

“Do you promise to love him, comfort him, honor and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health and forsaking all others, be faithful only to him so long as you both shall live?”

I want to run away and make myself disappear. I want to delete myself and just be forgotten. I’d rather die than ruin the life of this man in front of me.

I tried to take away my hands from his grip but, he didn’t let it happen. He held me tighter that it made me think that he will never let go of me.

He raised one of his brow asking me—no, commanding me to answer. I saw how he gave me a warn look that made my body tremble even more.

“Ysabella, do you—”

The father was about to repeat what he said but I didn’t let him.

I gulped and heaved a very deep sigh. I am going to take a very big leap as those next words come out of my mouth.

“I…” my tears fell. “I do, father.” Said my weakened voice.

Father cleared his throat, “Now that Alexander and Ysabella have given themselves to each other by the promises they have exchanged, I now pronounce them to be husband and wife,” he announced. “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. You may now seal your union with a kiss. ”

I did not hear the crowd cheer. Only lame claps and whistles of Alexander's close friends can be heard. But our relatives, specially his? They all look so disappointed and unhappy.

No one wanted this marriage, except for the man who pushed us to wed. His father.

I heard my aunt and uncle sobbing from a far. I looked at them and smiled bitterly trying to show them a face of happiness. I smiled as if everything's alright though it is not. Nothing is alright.

I heard Alexander clearing his throat so I immediately looked back at him. I saw how he let out a deep sigh before he lifted up the veil that is covering my face.

Slowly, he took a step closer to me, enough for us to breathe. I showed him a painful smile and he just gave me a cold look.

He held the side of my neck and lowered his head. I closed my eyes and waited for him to kiss me.

The second I felt his lips beside mine, it's like the time stopped. Even though he's only claiming half of my lips, I can still feel how warm and soft his lips are.

Just now, I knew I will never forget this moment and this day we became one, undesirably.

After a few seconds that felt like forever, he pulled away. I opened my eyes and faced the crowd. We gave them a smile of fake happiness.

Even though this is something that is unwanted, I promise to be a good wife to him. I will do my duties and try my best to be a good wife. I will take care of him and love him, even though he will not do the same.

I held my tummy that is slowly getting bigger day by day. I also promise to be a good and responsible mother to this child inside of me. He will be my strength and I will be his. I will fill him with love to the point that he feels nothing but being loved.

I will be a good wife and good mother.