“Why Shania? Please explain to me why you don’t want to accept my proposal? Don’t you want to be with me for the rest of your life? Why don’t you want to marry me? Tell me!”

They were in a cozy cafe, everyone is having their own conversation. Cole just proposed to her but she declined.

Cole was infuriated as he was holding the engagement ring in his hand. While Shania, sitting across him, was as calm and collected, as always, after saying ‘No’ to Cole’s proposal.

“Of course I want to be with you forever, but getting married? No.”

Cole was hurt even more when he heard her answer. For him, Shania saying no to his proposal only means that she does not love him. “Am I that worthless yo you Shania?”

“No, Cole. It’s not about your worth to me. It is about getting married. Marriage is a not for me. I’m sorry.”

“Why? If you really love me, you will say yes.”

This angered Shania, “I won’t say yes to your marriage proposal just to prove that I love you. That’s childish and manipulative. Do you hear yourself? Why? Is it an assurance that we will stay together forever if we got married? That reason is bullshit and you know it!”

“But we’re in the age of marrying, Shania. Almost all of our friends and acquaintances our age are already married and have kids.”

Sheena couldn’t help raising an eyebrow. “Then go and join them! Just don’t take me with you.”

“Shania!”

“What?!” She tried to reign in her frustration but Cole wasn’t listening to her and only thinking about himself. “I don’t care if everyone my age got married and have kids already. What is important for me is to help my parents and of course my happiness. And as of this moment, I am happy with my life Cole, even if I don’t have a husband or kids. So what if I’m at the marrying age? My priorities differ from them. It’s my life, so it’s my decision.”

Cole was beyond astonished. He knew that Shania was not enthusiastic about marriage but he didn’t know to what extent. And now that he knows, he felt so worthless in front of her. He felt so small that she didn’t think about him and a future with him.

“How about me, Shania? Am I not part of your priorities?”

Shania looked at him straight in the eyes. “You are like a bonus to my life Cole. I am happy that you are with me and that you stay with me even though I am far from being the perfect girlfriend and I’m not able to give you a lot of things. But, if you push this marriage to me with this bullshit reason of “being together forever”, it will really hurt me but I can’t have you in my life.

Hurt was evident on Cole’s face, Shania knows she did it but she did not look away. Because for her, if a couple wants to stay forever, they would do so, even without the bindings of marriage. Her parents were a great example. A marriage certificate for her is a very powerful paper - a paper that could bind someone without an exit. And it scares her the most. Marriage in this country is like entering a building with no fire exit. If the building catches fire or collapses, you have nowhere to run, you will get stuck inside and burn or collapse with it for there is no exit. Well, there is a way called annulment, but it will take a lot of time and money too. Plus there is no guarantee that it will be approved after the long process. So normal citizens like her who has no money to burn, should be wary. She is happy for those who decided to tie the knot and be together, but that didn’t mean she wants it for herself. She just doesn’t see herself getting married, not even to Cole, who she liked most out the men that she had dated.

“If I tell you now that I will break up with you if you don’t accept my proposal, will you change your mind?”

Shania shook her head. “I will tell you again, if you love me, you won’t force me.”

Cole’s shoulders fell. “I really want to build a family with you, Shania. But if it is a no, then I will have to look for someone who would prioritize me more.”

Shania understood so she just nod. She didn’t let him see that there was a small tinge of hurt in her heart when he said that he will look for another woman who will marry him because she declined his proposal.

Cole was not the first to propose and get rejected by her. But all of them left her when she said no to their proposal. They think that she does not want to be with them just because she did not want to get married. It was sad that it’s always the case, but she can’t help it. Marriage is not for her, period.

Or, maybe, her ex-boyfriends were all right after all, she just doesn’t love them enough to change her mind. Just like this moment, where she felt that tinge of hurt in her heart, but the pain is not enough to make her go and cry herself out. She will just be fine without Cole in her life, she knows that. It won’t be hard for her to move on and be with someone else again. She’s used to it.

“I’m sorry that I am not the woman you’re looking for.” She really is sorry that she isn’t the woman Cole wants him to be, but she will never force herself into something she didn’t want, just to please him. “If you find the woman who would say yes to your proposal, please treat her well and don’t give her a reason to think that marriage is just a sham, because if that happens, you’re just going to prove me right and that would suck, for you.”

Cole didn’t say anything anymore. He just stood up and left. And just like that, Shania is single again.

When Cole finally went out the door, Shania looked at their table. “That jerk didn’t even pay for his food.” Didn’t he know that it’s very expensive here?? And I am broken-hearted…. well, not really. But still..!