It has been eleven months since the Reckless Renegades rescued me from the Reapers. They took me in and gave me a safe place to recover. Physically I was healed in a matter of weeks. Emotionally was another story. I don’t think I will ever truly get over something like that but I’m definitely getting better. I don’t have as many nightmares as I did when I first got here. I used to have them every night. It was so bad Ace, Viper, or Lug Nut would sleep in the room with me to calm me down. Something about the smell of their kutte. It was warm leather and a light lemon scent of the stuff they used to care for their kuttes. It made me feel safe. It would calm me almost instantly. Now I’m down to a couple of times a month, so that isn’t too bad. Let me tell you what happened so you will understand. I was given to the Reapers by my guardian.

You might wonder how I got stuck with such a shitty person looking after me. Well, my parents thought they left me with a trusted family member when they died. An uncle not that I was ever allowed to call him that. Turns out he had gotten into debt over drugs with the Reapers and decided a week before my eighteenth birthday he would sell me to repay his debt. They were going to sell off my virginity to cover what was owed. They kept me locked in a room for what turned out to be two weeks while they lined up a buyer for me. In all that time I was barely fed or given water. Plus side was since they had to keep me pure in order to get a higher bid so no one touched me other than getting hit a few times. Oh, and getting my ass grabbed roughly by some of the nasty assholes. Yea me.

One day they threw another woman in the room with me. I first thought she was another girl to be auctioned off. Turns out she was kidnapped because they thought they could get information about her brother who runs a rival Mc. They wanted their territory and wanted to use her to do it. The day they put Merigold in with me was the best day of my life. Yes, we were prisoners. But she protected me, kept me company, and assured me every day that help was coming. Though at the time I wasn’t sure if I could have the hope that she had. She always made sure to comfort me even though she was being beaten daily. I don’t know why I trusted her but I did. We bonded and became close in those few days we were together. Merigold was right. Help was on the way for her. At the time no one knew about me. The night Merigold was rescued she made sure I was taken as well. And for that, I will be forever grateful.

And now you are caught up. I have been here ever since. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a prisoner. After I healed Viper the club prez sat me down. He asked me if there was any family or friends they could call for me. Or if I needed a way to get home. When I told him I had no one or nowhere to go he offered to let me stay with the club. And they would protect me. When I was ready he could give me a job. He and Merigold would help me in any way they could until I figured out what I wanted to do. Since I didn’t have many options I chose to stay.

Viper gave me a job cleaning the clubhouse a few days a week, which is where I am today. And that covers my room. Merigold hired me to babysit. Anna gave me a few odd jobs. Anything I could do to make money I did it. I moved out of the clubhouse into Merigold’s old house about two months after getting here. At Merigold’s instance of course. She even loaned me her old car so I wouldn’t have to rely on anyone. Merigold just seemed to know how important my being independent was. And she is right. I want to be able to stand on my own two feet. As for the club, almost everyone treats me well. I think Viper and Merigold view me as a baby sister. And treat me as such. I'm pretty sure most of the brothers have the same view. I have even come close with a few of them. Like Lug Nut and Ace. Ace is the loveable uncle type. Unlike my previous uncle. Always ready with a hug when he thinks I need it.

Lug Nut is just a good guy who gives off a calming vibe. And is very playful. Always cracking jokes and goofing around when he can. Then there are the few that think I don't belong there. That I should never have been rescued in the first place. The club bunnies aren’t nice to me at all. I don’t have a clue why. Merigold tells me to just ignore them and if I have any problems with them to let her know. But I don’t want to risk my place here until I stand on my own so I never tell how mean they are or how a few have hit me. Shoved me. And the constant name-calling. I can deal with it. It is just words. I know who I am. I don’t have anything to prove.

Then there is Tank. He was one of my rescuers. And when I first got here he was nice, caring, and sweet. He would check on me. Make sure I had what I needed. Made sure I was healing alright. He would say “hi” when I walked into a room. Even talk to me sometimes. I thought he liked me. Maybe as more than a friend. Stupid me even started to have a crush on him. Ok, a big crush. I mean who wouldn’t. The man is a six-foot-five Adonis. With his jet black shoulder-length hair and emerald green eyes. And a body that fits his name. He is definitely built like a muscular tank. Broad shoulders, thick arms. Legs like tree trunks that he keeps confined in tight black jeans. And good god his ass, you could bounce quarters off that thing. So yea, I had a crush. I am an eighteen-year-old woman with eyes. I would have to be dead not to see the hotness of that man.

And I will admit there was a part of me that hoped he would see me as more than a victim or a kid. But it will never happen. And I would be a fool to think otherwise. You should see the bunnies that hang off him. Two or three a night. Out in the club where everyone can see, or the hall, or his room. If he is fucking one or getting a blow job he is drinking heavily. Or all the above. He has been so drunk he has passed out in the yard.

Add in that he suddenly stopped talking to me altogether. And when he did it was usually with a sneer or a look of disgust. He would leave any room I walked into. I would overhear him say mean and cruel things about me to others especially the club bunnies. Things like ‘ I shouldn't be there. I need to hurry up and move on. He didn’t understand why Viper was wasting his time with me. I was useless.’ He would agree with the bunnies when they called me ‘ fat. A waste of space.” I have even been called ugly and a whore. I know I’m not the prettiest person in the world. I have been told it plenty of times by my guardian then the Reapers. I have a bit of weight to me. I’m five foot four and wear a size twelve. I have a big ass and 32 c boobs. My thighs are thick as well and my stomach isn’t as flat as I would like. I wear extra baggy clothes to keep all of that hidden.

I know I’m plain looking with my very light blonde hair that almost looks white and brown eyes and no make-up. But until I dealt with the Reapers and now Tank and the club bunnies I didn’t think I was ugly. And as far as being called a whore. I haven’t even kissed a guy for crying out loud. But it is what it is. I can’t get them to stop bad-mouthing me. So I keep quiet. I make myself as invisible as possible. I won’t change who I am for anyone. I just make sure I stay out of their way and do my job.

Even if he had shown any sort of interest in me. There is no way in hell I could ever be with someone like that. I may be plain. And I may not have much in my life right now. There is one thing I do have in large amounts. Self-respect. I may want what I see Merigold and Trina have but I’m not that desperate.

I’m startled out of my thoughts by Viper. “ What did that table ever do to you?” he laughs. I looked up at him “ Huh?” “ You have been scrubbing it so hard I thought you were going to take the polish off.” I look down at the table then back to Viper “ Sorry, lost in thought.” Viper nods “ Anything you want to talk about? You know you can always talk to me.” And this right here makes up for all the crap I have to put up with from a few. I shake my head and hug him “ No. I’m good. But thanks.” Viper hugs me back. I swear that he, Merigold, and Ace give the best hugs. “ Anytime, a little bit. Merigold called to remind you she is bringing the boys soon. Said you were going to watch them for a few.” I let go of him “ Yea, I almost forgot. The girls have a good check and I said I would watch the boys. I need to get this stuff put away before they get here.” Viper leaves me to put all the cleaning supplies away. I have just finished washing my hands and make it to the main room when the speed demons come flying in. “ Lilly,” they shout before diving at me. I barely have time to brace myself before they are in my arms. “ We gonna stay with you today?” Jax asks. “ Yes, while mommy takes your sisters to their check-up.” “ Yea. We gonna play with Lilly,” they shout in unison. These boys are a handful and I love every minute I get with them. “ Go to the playroom and I will be there in a minute.” Without a word, they are gone. Merigold comes up and hugs me “ Thanks for doing this.” I hugged her back “ You know I love watching the boys. It isn’t a big deal.” “ Lilly, you are a lifesaver.” I’m about to say no I’m not but get stopped before I can say a word when the boys yell “ Lilly, we ready.” I laugh, “ Got to go, the bosses are calling.” Merigold just shakes her head and walks out the door.

When I get to the playroom the boys are sitting on the floor with a pile of trucks and cars. Jax looks up “ Lilly I need a song.” I sit on the floor in front of them. “ O, you do?” Jace answers “ Yes and me too.” This is something we started a few months ago when we were singing along to a movie together. Now they like me to sing to them often. “ Ok. What kind of song?” Jax thinks about it for a minute, “ Halla from Sing.” I know the one he is talking about. So while we play with the cars I sing Hallelujah from Sing for them.