It was an all too familiar feeling; being numb. So why was I so scared of it?

Maybe I should consider therapy.

I was quick to shrug off the thought. It wasn’t a good look for the Riccis. GOD! I still cared about what people thought! But it couldn’t be helped, right? That’s just what my job was. I needed to stay in the spotlight. There was no escaping it.

My eyes slowly focused on the article before me as my mind registered the news. I could feel my heart sinking, knowing once again that there was no convincing Cristo of the drama that he’d been embroiled in, being made to dance between the puppeteer and myself like his life was some sort of a game.

There really was no escaping it…

RENOWNED MATCH-MAKER CAUGHT PLAYING HOOKY WITH MAFIA’S NEXT HEIR

I shook my head, “Oh, for fuck’s sake.” My temple throbbed with annoyance, but at least that was something I could feel. Better than nothing at all.

New York City’s biggest match-maker, Lilith Mendez, was spotted getting away from the Moretti-Russo summer house that is currently hosting the grandest engagement party of the year. Where the business world is set to keep their eyes peeled for an exciting spike in the Mechatronix stocks, we have our very own interesting development in the world of love and money.

The intro made me gag. It was cheap and definitely rushed. Of course it was rushed! It came out a mere two hours after I’d left the party! Who had Blair hired to spy on me this time? I hope the pay out was great, seeing as how much of a hot-topic I appeared to be for the media at the moment.

I couldn’t read any more. Didn’t bother with the pictures. I was unfazed and dressed myself to return back to the island. Bellona had called last night and I had to explain everything to her openly. I was so sure I’d lost the job, until Mrs. Ricci took the phone and revealed that this wasn’t the first time Rio had done something like this and I really couldn’t have known.

“Just rest up as best you can.” She’d said, “You don’t have to come back here.”

“I have to be where Guasparre is.” I’d reassured her, “I still have a job to do.”

Whilst I knew I could stay with them as long as I needed, even if it took years, I still wanted to get away from the mess that had followed me here as soon as possible. I knew there wasn’t much peace to be found unless I dealt with Blair once and for all. The only reason I’d have to go back was if I had to press for a defamation case against that…that little bitch! Or, if Emily finally decided to own up to her abhorrent behavior and proceed with the case. Whomever she had hired to stall everything was doing a great job so far though.

Sometimes I wondered if I should just let it all go. What could Emily really do anymore? What was I hoping to gain out of his case? Jail time for her? It wouldn’t change anything. Plus, I’d kept her on the edge of her seat for long enough and she must’ve spent a lot on lawyers by now. Maybe I could keep it going until she couldn’t afford them anymore? I guess I was starting to accept that the case wasn’t going anywhere. I shouldn’t have had much hope to begin with. I mean, the most Marcus got was a warning because he hadn’t injured me or attempted anything outright forceful. And what would happen with Rio? He belonged to the mafia, so I doubted anything could be done against him either.

The world was full of people who would never receive their karma, with their victims left without justice.

Who was I supposed to trust anymore when neither money nor the law could protect me?

The next party was going to be a lot calmer, held on the beach of the island where we would be having a large dinner. My day was spent inside my assigned hut, where Guasparre or Bellona would drop in every now and then amidst the paperwork, wondering if I was okay. Guasparre tried staying, filling the silence with an awkward pause for perhaps five minutes tops before leaving again. Until the last time he came over, as the sun was getting lower over the sky, he was more prepared.

“You really don’t have to be here, Lilith.” He said gently, genuinely worried, “What you went through was quite traumatic.”

“I’m used to it.” I sighed, freezing as I realized the slip up, I looked at him with my hands up ready to ease the alarm on his face, “Oh, trust me, I train my people for these situations. We run into problems like these on a regular basis.”

He looked at me incredulously, “Being kidnapped?”

“No! Um, well…other situations of similar severity–but it’s really no major problem, Guasparre. Thank you.”

He pulled his lips into a thin line and breathed deeply, pulling the reading chair by the window to my desk and sitting on it with his hair floating gently in the soft sunlight, “Think of me as a friend, Lilith. We just want you to be comfortable. In all honesty…we’re quite ashamed and embarrassed that we couldn’t ensure your safety. Ariana was hired for your comfort but we’re aware you like your space so–”

“Oh, no…” I sighed and put my hand on his arm reassuringly, “this isn’t on anyone but Rio. And Ariana could only do so much when I have my own reservations.”

“So…you don’t blame yourself?”

I shook my head and smiled at him, “I know better than to do that to myself. You don’t need to worry about me at all.”

He nodded in relief and sat back in the chair, seemingly more relaxed. I smiled at him appreciatively and turned back to my papers, gathering them up neatly to put away. “Would you like to have another insight session? I get the sense you’d like to tell me something.”

“It depends on your observations, really.” He intertwined his fingers over his lap, “What do you think?”

“Well…” I tried to be careful with how I worded it, “you’re still overly cautious. I’m starting to believe that it’s not the women that aren’t up to par. Communication is a two-way street, you know? Is there anything that could be holding you back? Maybe a memory or an event that you haven’t come to terms with?”

I could see his eyes flit around the room, lost in thought as his thumb rubbed over a scar on his other hand that was very similar to the one on his face.

“You’re aware of my scar.” He stated. I simply nodded and crossed my legs, not bothering to touch my clipboard and pen. Something in the air told me this needn’t be professional. He breathed deeply through pursed lips, quite nervous. I had half a mind to tell him not to continue, but he was already speaking.

“There was a girl I loved,” his voice was somber and so, so heavy. It weighed down on my heart like a familiar ache, one I’d felt a long time ago when I realized Mark was not the man who could love me the way I wanted or needed him to. “Rosina. She was…quite the woman. A mechanic for big names on the race track. I’d never loved anyone the way I loved her, and she was unlike anyone else I’d ever met. It set a standard, you know? The one relationship that defines all else. Either you get something that’s just like it, or better. Settling for anyone else is too disturbing a thought, otherwise I would marry anyone you deem fit for me.”

I wished I could hold him close like one would a scared cat. There was so much sadness in his eyes that appeared to be as raw as the first day he’d felt it. The wound was still fresh and bleeding in his heart.

“Her brother, Ricardo and I were great friends and had made a grand bet. And I mean it when I say grand because the money involved was enormous and there was quite a crowd. It was a hushed event held hours before daylight. To me, that money wouldn’t have been an issue to lose, but I should’ve known it mattered to him because I really wasn’t aware of their financial issues going on then. He had a large ego, you see? Didn’t believe in asking for loans. He didn’t want to be indebted to anyone and I guess it was his perogative to do so. I admired his strength but I really wouldn’t have minded helping out without receiving anything in return. I loved him like a brother.”

The dread settled in my stomach and I already knew exactly what had happened without him needing to say anything.

“So, we place the bet. It would be something he had earned, right? Fair enough? And he did win, at the expense of my safety.”

“It was rigged.” I said softly. He nodded solemnly. “Was it her?”

“Yes.” He sighed as his eyes turned red from tears he tried holding back, “We found out once my father launched an investigation into it because it didn’t make sense to him how it went wrong. Now that I look back at it, I understand it myself. You know, I would’ve let Ricardo win had…had Rosina just told me instead of rewiring my car. I could’ve died because of them. It was meant to be a small fuse that jammed my gear, is all.”

“I’m sure your family pressed charges.”

“Yes, but I let them go.”

The shock on my face was hard to rein in, but I had to so I just bit my tongue. His eyes were downcast, his thumb still stroking the scar.

“My parents didn’t approve of it, but I told them I wouldn’t have it. He threw Rosina under the bus even when she confessed that he’d made her do it and wouldn’t let her tell me. It was a long relationship, so I still can’t understand why she couldn’t tell me. We had been dating since we were seventeen.”

“That must’ve destroyed your trust massively.”

“Every time I look in the mirror, it’s a constant reminder.” He admitted, “I’m not sure when I’ll get over it.”

“There’s no getting over trauma,” I explained gently, “but there is help. Have you been to therapy?”

“Not extensively like I should have.”

“You know this won’t work without some extra help, right?”

He only nodded, grunting lightly and pushing himself up to stand, “Thank you for hearing me out, Lilith. It was difficult to talk about but…in the weeks we’ve been around each other, you’ve proven to be of good heart. It’s…been a while since I’ve been able to open up to someone like this at all.”

For a moment, I hoped badly that he hadn’t taken a liking to me.

“I will consider therapy,” his voice was determined, “and it would make your work easier, I suppose?”

“For you.” I reminded him, “I’m just doing what needs to be done.”

“I’ll bring this up with my family, then.” He said, “It might mean you’ll be relieved of the task until I contact you again. I’m sorry you couldn’t finish what you came here to do.”

“Even this is part of my job, Guasparre.” I assured him, “I’ll be back when you need me, all right?”

With a friendly nod of his head, he left my hut. I found myself in silence. The sound of the waves outside was pleasant with the occasional seagull’s call to harmonize it.

For once in a long time, I felt good.