I could still remember it clearly, his smell, his touch, his rough hands but the most important thing I needed to remember which was his face was blurry. It happened years ago but it was still clear as a white cat on a burnt grass. I was coming from a party my friend hosted it wasn't really my scene but my friend begged ne to be there and I went not knowing it will be the worst decision I ever made in my life.

My boss brought me back to life banging on my desk oh I was daydreaming again at work I immediately collected myself and asked her if she needed any help, she handed me a pile of documents that needed to be stapled. This is not the life I wanted for myself I was always ambitious I had dreams I wanted to be one of the most successful young businesswomen in our country but I guess God had other plans because here I was running around Mrs Robinston stapling her documents I mean how useless can one possible be in life. I was a receptionist and that didn't come with any perks except coming tired from all the typing, answering calls and running around from 9AM to 5PM. I always looked forward to my chilled evenings in front of my laptop watching series. I had a new series that I had downloaded at work "how to get away with murder" I mean I worked hard the least they could do is let me use their wi-fi although Mrs Robinston would kill me and bury me on their office garden then plant flowers on top of it. When I got home I defrosted chicken I was running out of groceries I needed to be careful or else by the time my payday arrives I would be dead of hunger I was planning on cooking it with some salads I was trying to avoid starch I heard it helps when you are trying to lose weight although I wasn't so sure but trying never hurt anyone. I prepared my meal as music was blasting in the background. The knife I was using to cut some cucumbers cut mt finger and already my finger was leaking blood I watched it drop on the floor as soon as it did something triggered my memory.

I begged the guy to stop hurting me I was still a virgin I knew nothing about sex I was never interested but I knew that you had to be wet first before the guy can penetrate you, he forced himself on me I cried but it was meaningless my cries were replaced by sobs silent sobs as he pounded me violently.

I quickly went to the bathroom to try and stop the bleeding after I was done I took the mop and wiped the floor then carried on with my meal. This salad and boiled meat didn't do it for me but I really wanted to lose weight so I had to brace it. I washed the meal with some green tea. I continued with some series.

I was running late as usual this thing of me being late was becoming a habit now I had to rush to the train station just when I was getting nearer there was a commotion and this old lady told me that the trains were delayed oh great just great now I had to go back to the very same rank I passedearlier when I came here I thanked the lady and rushed out of the train station. I looked around and this big car stopped in front of me I might not be the good with cars but I knew that it was called a Fortuner. The driver asked me where was I going I and I told him, I livedin Braamfontein I rented a room there which had a bathroom so everyday I took a train to work, I worked in the CBD. I thanked my lucky stars and got in the car. He dropped me off by my workplace and sped off I didn't even get to thank him and he didn't introduce himself either well I rushed to my workplace.

"You're so much in trouble" that was my annoying colleague Palesa, she told me that the boss lady wanted to see me.

"Shit!"

"You are swearing" I rolled my eyes at no one in particular because she couldn't see me.

Oh she was still here some annoying person she was, I quickly rushed to the boss lady's office I found her furious, she was a bit exaggerating I was only thirty minutes late okay maybe an hour but what could have possibly gone wrong in an hour what mattered is that I was there breathing I mean that mattered right.

"You are late!" she roared.

"Uhm I can explain ma'am" I was shaking.

To be honest I really had no explanation at all I couldn't possibly tell her that I was watching a series and I overslept.

"This is your first written warning, if you weren't such a hard worker I would have fired you a long time ago"

" I am so sorry it's the last time I do this I promise"

"That's what you said the last time"

"I just i...." I stuttered.

"Take this and consider it as your first written warning and close the door on your way out"

I guess that was my cue to leave. I needed to get hold of my habits if I wanted to keep this job I was lucky enough to get it without any qualification.

YOUR CHILD NEEDS FOOD AND MONEY FOR SCHOOL.

That was a text from my aunt who lived with my son back in KZN, that was a text I always got on my payday even before I got the one notifying me about my salary. I made a mental note to transfer a R1000 which was never enough to her, it's like I had to take care of her too I really needed a better paying job. After reading that text I went back to sleep there was no way I was going to transfer money at at 1AM I still needed my beauty sleep it was a good thing I wasn't working the following day.

I was coming back from the ATM when I noticed this car following me well not really following me but it was like it was watching every move. If I was rich I would think someone was sent to spy on me or something but I really had nothing to offer so that was out of question. I told my friends I was leaving since I didn't feel so good they were occupied so they had no problem I took my coat by the door, since it was really late I rushed hoping no one would attack me I could see home from where I was when this car I didn't see coming stopped right in front of me.

I quickly erased the thought and told myself to breathe in and out surely that incident would never happen again and I mean God can't really hate me that much in such a way that he would continuously send people to attack me. When I got to my place I called my aunt to ask her if she got the money, she picked out almost immediately.

"You know that money is not enough, food is really expensive nowadays surely you know that"

I don't know where she thinks I worked, I needed to survive too I couldn't send her all the money I had.

"I am sorry anti but it's all I can afford right now."

"Awu cha kodwa ke yona ingane idinga okuningi kunalokhu osinika kona iyadla phela lengane"

" I will send more when I can I promise"

Family!

On my way to work the following day I saw the very same car following me but quickly brushed the thought away and rushed to the train station. Luckily this time around I arrived right on time at work and Mrs Robinston was there already you would swear she had no husband or family to take care of she was always the first one to arrive and the last one to leave it was annoying really because shewas always watching us like a hawk nothing never gets past her or so she thought.

During lunchtime Palesa came to me and said that we should go get lunch the girl was trying so hard to be my friend andI was fine on my own but I went with her anyway. She was telling me about how her husband is always working and hardly give her his attention and the kids are always asking about him blah blah I wasn't really interested im rich kid's problem.

"Can you atleast pretend to be interested geez you are so mean."

"Excuse me" I widened my eyes.

"You care about only yourself"

"That's not true" I defended myself although I knew it was true.

"Oh is it? How come no one is friends with you at the office?"

I raised my eyebrow she really thought I cared.

"No, but I know you will tell me why?"

"You are selfish" well not having friends doesn't make one selfish in my vocabulary.

"I think we should go back to work."

"OOOkay" she dragged herself behind me, maybe I was a bitter person.

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