Our life wasn't something to be envious about, it wasn't something I envy as I'm totally different from my sister. She seems to have all the boys wrapped around her fingers, including the ones who find me attractive and it messes everything up for me, everyday I have to constantly battle with my self esteem and hope that she doesn't mess things up for me.

"Hey sister, I can see you have your head buried in your book"

" Alexis, can you stop? You reek of alcohol, where were you?

"I was out having fun, something you don't know how to do"

" Are you sure you're alright? You look uneasy"

" I'm fine, not like you care anyway bitch"

She slumped on the bed with a heavy thud, at first I was scared but I should be used to her way of life by now. It's not surprising anymore considering the fact that I have to deal with this almost on a regular basis.

★★★

Alexis is my only sister. We're twins, fraternal twins and it hasn't been easy coping. We've been living with Aunt Claire, she's cool but a lot of times she's uninterested about how we live our lives, she has her own worries to take care of. Growing up Aunt Claire rarely visited the house and whenever she did it was because mom was needed someone beside her.

From afar you would notice they were pretty close and everything seemed perfect. I remember their random conversations and the giggle that followed whenever they looked at old pictures of them as kids. I loved looking at those pictures.

Mom used to tell us how she and Aunt Claire were close while growing up but unfortunately they became strangers after Aunt Claire did something to mom.

I've overheard their conversations a lot of times and my curiosity has been fed. I think I have a clear understanding of what really transpired. During one of Aunt Claire's visit she had a conversation with mom and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it.

"Have you considered telling them the truth?

"What do I tell them? How do I say it to them?

"I don't know, they're your kids. They deserve to know the truth.

"I know but they're young"

"Young? Those girls are 10, you think that's young?

"Well, we were older when we found out mom had adopted us"

"You call 12 years older? It's the same thing to me"

" It's not and you're not helping"

" I'm sorry about that but this kids deserve to know the truth"

"and they will, I just need more time. I'm still trying to understand the whole thing myself"

" Have you spoken to them?

"Who's them?

"Their dad"

" Well, not really."

"Well, you should"

"I will, I'm traumatized myself"

" When did you find out about it?

"Before their birth"

"Why didn't you tell anyone?

"Hahaha, so I'm supposed to walk up to a random stranger and narrate my ordeal? Good idea, remind me to take that option next time"

" Don't get me wrong, you act like you have no one to talk to. Like you don't have family? I'm your family"

" Claire! Stop it! Don't add like all your bad deeds will just be erased by a single act of care"

" But I've apologized"

" Yes and still it doesn't erase the pain I went through cause of you"

" Don't say that"

" I shouldn't say the truth?

"You ran away with the only man I've ever loved and that's what got me into this problem to start with"

" I know and I'm sorry. You sound like I was in it myself, he is also to blame. He coerced me, it was his idea"

" And you gladly accepted without thinking about how I would feel or what it would do to me"

"I said I'm sorry"

"I know, I think you should leave"

" What? You're going to send me out of your house? I've thought we've been over this"

" Yes, we have. I just need time to think and you're not helping"

" But I'm your only family"

" You were never my family when I needed you to be. Just leave"

I closed my books and hit the sheets. Lying on this bed, tossing uncomfortably due to the inability to sleep, thinking of matters I'll need to confront later and a sister I'll have to deal with in the morning. When mom died our lives changed. Dad wasn't always around, he wasn't in the picture, it was more like he didn't exist.

★★★

Mom was shot dead during a shootout, I think it's more of a payback. My elder brother, Jamal got involved with a dangerous group and he messed with the wrong people so they came back for revenge.

Jamal was driving us to school that morning and he had to drop mom off at the church for a meeting.

"Jamal, what's wrong?

"Nothing mom, I feel dizzy."

"Did you drink last night?

"Maybe, a little"

"Move over, I'll drive"

Mom drove past the church, she decided to drop us at school herself

Jamal was trying to walk out of the car when his phone fell, he bent over to pick it up and a shot was heard.

Mom was shot from the rear window by someone who was in a moving car and I could see the horror in her eyes as she laid lifeless. I was young, we were young but I knew she wasn't coming back.

I saw her killer, they drove past us roughly but I saw his face.

"Mom, mom" Jamal said as he shook mom frantically.

"Jamal, is mom dead?

Jamal was horrified. He dialed 911 and he was speaking fast into the phone.

"My mom just got shot, can you send an ambulance? Damn, fucking send an ambulance, she's loosing so much blood"

The whole school had gathered this time and Alexis was crying, I couldn't. I was too confused to cry. Aunt Claire had visited us at the hospital and when mom was pronounced dead. We moved in with her, Dad had to get our things from the house and he visited us frequently until he got tired.

"Girls, it's going to be alright. You're safe now" Aunt Claire said.

During mom's burial Jamal showed up, from his outfit I could tell he was trying to conceal his identity. A lot of people in the neighborhood turned up for the burial, especially people from the church. Maybe mom should have attended the church meeting or allwowd Jamal do the driving.

No one heard from Jamal till date, he could be dead already or out seeking revenge.

★★★

"Hey, wake up"

"Do you have to do this every morning? Girl, I don't pay you to act as an alarm every morning."

"I need to ask you something"

"This early? Can't it wait? Girl, I need my beauty sleep and you're ruining it"

" Till when?

"I don't know, maybe when I'm awake.

"erm, okay.

" Cool, now get out and close the door behind you"

I stepped out of the room and I closed the door. I have french classes this morning and I didn't want to miss it for anything in the world. I don't enjoy the classes, I just enjoy hanging out with Khalid after the classes.

Khalid and I have been dating for some months now, not without sexual contacts and I enjoy every moment of it. At first I was sceptical, don't get me wrong I've only had sex once before I met Khalid and it was with the guy I gave my virginity to.

I'm very picky when it comes to starting relationships, I'm always scared that they just wanna have sex with me and disappear. I don't trust anyone anymore.

Larry was the guy I lost my virginity to. He was a calm kid who lived couple of blocks from Aunt Claire's house and we used to hang around a lot, we still do when I'm home for the holidays. He would drop by from work and stay over for dinner, Aunt Claire didn't notice anything odd considering the fact that he spent a lot of time at the house.

At first I swore Larry liked Alexis, I noticed the way he looked at her seductively whenever she flirted with him.

Larry had come visiting as usual and he would spend hours talking with Alexis. At first I didn't mind but all of a sudden I became jealous which is not something I like to identify with. Imagine how I felt the day Larry asked me out on a date, I felt weird and special.

He drove an old truck which belonged to his late dad, it was red in color and malfunctioned a lot. The truck mostly spent time at the mechanics workshop and since Larry didn't live far he walked to our house most of the times.

"Hey, are you home?

" Yeah, do I go anywhere?

"who knows? You might have a date or something"

" Very funny, I'm single you don't have to rub it in.

"I was thinking, do you wanna go see a movie with me?

"You're asking me out on a date?

" I didn't say it was a date but maybe it is"

"That would be fun. What movie and what time?

"Maybe tonight"

"Tonight?

" Yes, any problem?

" Well, not really but isn't that too late?

"For me it isn't, didn't know it was such a big deal for you.

"That's not what I'm saying."

"Well, maybe I should ask Alexis instead, I'm sure time wouldn't be a problem for her"

"Don't do that"

" Do what?

"Don't compare me with my sister"

"I'm not, she's fun that's what I'm saying"

" I get it , tonight it is"

"That's my girl"

I don't know but for some reason I wanted to look my best tonight, I don't get asked for dates often and I've never been on one so I wanted to know how it would feel to go on one and moreover, who would turn down a man as handsome as the devil.

★★★

Alexis had the physique and everything. She looked a lot like mom, she's light skinned, tall, walked with so much poise and confidence. A lot of people still question how possible we're twins and yet so different in looks and character wise.

Alexis would pass as a modern day Disney princess, her voice sounded like that of Aurora's, thin yet melodious to the ear. She was head of the sorority we belong to and she remained popular. I could literally see all the boys drool over her whenever she moved around campus and it made me avoid walking with her and her friends.

A guy once had an erection as Alexis walked past him at the school cafeteria and all the kids teased him. She walked back to him and led him to the bathroom, I could tell they had sex cause he came out smiling and everyone stared in disbelief.

I am petite, dark and not so tall. Maybe not tall at all but I wasn't hot or sexy, just random and normal. Whenever I walked it's as if nothing happened, nobody stares or anything. It's almost like I literally didn't exist and sometimes I wish I could disappear.

I sneaked out of the house, careful not to wake Aunt Claire. I know she wouldn't be happy if she noticed that I wasn't in the house. Danielle gets away with it and I've never heard Aunt Claire complain, I feel she has high expectations of me or she's just scared I would get hurt.

"You look beautiful"

"Thank you"

"So, when are we going to the movies?

"About that, my truck is at the mechanics and I thought it would be ready tonight but it wasn't"

" So what happens now? I should leave.

" Why? Cause our date didn't work out? Well, I have something better planned for us.

"Really? Where?

" Here"

" Here? I don't understand"

"You shouldn't try hard to understand everything. You look tensed, it's not like I'm a vampire. Relax and enjoy the little things"

" I don't understand"

" How about a date here in my house?

I was sceptical, I'm always sceptical but it didn't seem like a bad idea

"Okay"

"That's my girl"

"Why do you keep saying that?

"Saying what?

" You keep using that phrase"

"What phrase?

"That's my girl"

"Oh, it's something I learned from my dad. He used it for my mom a lot.

"Wow, really? I haven't really heard about your family"

" Well, they're fine and I'm fine. Can we discuss something else?

"Oh, okay"

"So, what would you like to drink?

"Water"

"That's not an answer"

" But it is"

" Alright, water it is"

He was shirtless and I stared but I wasn't distracted, he handed me the water and I took a sip, I wasn't thirsty I just didn't want it to look absurd

"So how much do you love hot dogs?

" Well, a lot"

"Good, I prepared some.

He served me and took some for himself, and we sat at the dinning, eating and discussing"

" So why did you ask me out on a date"

"Nothing, guess I needed company"

" Oh, okay"

" What's that?