Aviva~~~

I sat on the ground looking at the sight in front of me.

I cried again and again.

"Why did you leave us?" I screamed to the top of my lungs.

"why us" I screamed a gain this time my lungs felt painful but not compared to my heart.

"why did you have to leave us?" I said in lower tone this time lowering my head and looking down at the grave.

I just couldn't understand life or was it fate?

It took from us the most loved person.

"Why did you have to leave us miserable with no support dad?" I said looking down at his grave.

The grave I was sitting at the moment hopping that my dad could comeback and live happy with us like how we used to be.

Hoping that at least my dad could come and take me to where he went up there

Hoping that when I go back home everything could go back to where they were before my dad died.

I felt lost and empty

I felt sorrow and numb I couldn't move I felt like I had to pour all my heart and tell my dad everything that has happened in the last two years.

Three years of pain

Three years of misery

Three years of trying to keep up.

Three years full of pain and tears even now.

The years we learnt that we were never going back to that complete family we used to have.

My heart felt heavy with pain.

I could feel every piece of it shattering down.

I have been holding pain and tears that threatened me to shade them but remained masked.

Masked for who I loved and didn't want to lose also.

My mom my sister my friends.

I had to be strong so that I could show my sister and my mom that I was strong for them.

I had to mask my emotions but I was not good at it.

Always a mother knows their daughter best but little did I know that even my best friends saw it.

The pain the hurt the shatter the pieces.

Face could hold and mask emotions but eyes are always like open books.

I had to show my mother that I was okay because I did not want her to worry about me.

She wasn't over my father's death.

But she still worried over me.

She didn't show it but she did not tell me either.

I had to be strong but after some point in two years I felt that it was enough

Enough because even if I didn't explode in front of people I would explode at some time to come and that time was right now.

Right next to my father next to the person who told me to always be strong because the earth was cruel.

I never used to understand his words but little by little they were starting to make sense.

I couldn't take it.

I couldn't think of my dad without crying

Without shedding a tear

That was why I came to his grave in order to cry without hiding it from the world.

I had to let it all go to shed the tears to pour my heart my ache and shatter here next to him next to the man who raised me.

After shedding all the tears the sorrow the ache and the pain I felt on the grave.

I stood up dusted my pants and started walking to the olden rusted doors

I took small steps looking behind every now and back because I knew nothing was going to back to normal. But I had a mother.

a mother who cared for us.

I was thankful that God didn't take all my parents.

He let me remain with my mother and for that I should be thankful.

I decided to walk to the park which took me probably an hour to reach there.

I needed to walk and clear my mind get some air and clean my eyes because I cried too much but it was worth it.

It was a busy day since I took a day off at the café I worked in.

The cars were passing non stop some stopping at the small restaurant ahead of me and some passing at a speed which was probably not allowed.

People these days.

All those small things brought a smile and a frown on my face.

Things nowadays were starting to become bitter sweet.

Maybe it was me but could you really blame me?

I had a waterfall falling from my eyes not even thirty minutes ago.

In the café I worked in it was a full shift since I wanted to help my mother pay the bills and she could pay for our food well more like their food and the clothes of my sister.

I always managed to take care of my self as possible as I could.

My mom worked her hands off to help us .

she worked day and night she didn't really tell us what her job was but she just told us not to worry about her.

I knew my mom was stressing her self off .

since I was younger and capable of working I tried to get a job .

In some places they wouldn't hire me since I didn't have any knowledge from college but I managed to find a job at the café.

I worked there full time since I was not in college anymore because of the lack of money we had and I have a sister who I do not wish for her to get the same life as me

I was working my hands off to try and save for her some money for college.

Since I was taking a walk and heading to the park I saw the entrance and the welcoming letters .

I walked to the nearest bench took a sit and took out a book from my bag and started reading.