ALI

As a mortal being, as a human, we are oblique to find our purpose in life. What is your purpose in life? Do you know what will you're going to be sooner or later?

Some people are born with a purpose in life which makes them easier to reach their own goals. Their purpose clears their tracks because they know what's their target. Others don't. Some just go with the flow of their lives.

We need to seek our goals in life. Of course, if you have a purpose, you must seek your goal. It makes the cost clearer. Setting your goals isn't that easy, but if you are dedicated to your purpose, then you will reach your goal.

And of course...

A human needs a home. I didn't mean a literal home with four corners and blocked walls. A literal home with a kitchen, rooms, and a fine roof. What I mean by the home is a haven.

A home that keeps you awake in the middle of deprivation. A home that keeps you swimming in the middle of a storm. A home that keeps you living while wanting to die. A home that keeps you tied when you try to detach.

"Have you taken your medicine?" said a voice. I turn my gaze to the owner of the voice only to find the nurse that has been taking care of me since the day I was confined in this hospital. She's Nurse Sai. She's like a real mother to me.

"Do you know that that medicine tastes so bad?" I complained upon seeing the red and white colored capsules on my med-cart.

"No. But I know how much that medicine could help you improve your health," she said while fixing my little mess on my table. It was paints and brushes. I just painted and I haven't cleared those messes yet because I was not in the mood to do so.

"Hey, I have a question," I said. I sat up and look at her. She just threw a glance at me and then continue fixing my mess. "When did you find out that you wanted to become a nurse?"

Her hands stopped mid-air as if she doesn't see my question coming. After half a minute or so, she continued what she's doing. I thought she's going to ignore me or what and I was about to repeat the same question when she answered me with a low voice.

"I just wanted it..."

"How? I mean, how could you possibly want one thing without any valid reasons at all?" I ask her again. I decided to grab my black tumbler which was designed with 'You Can Do It!' in gold calligraphy, only to find out that it's half-empty.

"When you love something, you don't need any reasons at all. You know why?" she turned to me who was busy sipping on the straw of my tumbler that moment.

"Why?" I still answered her without removing the tumbler's straw in my mouth completely. She akimbo her arms on me and raised an eyebrow.

"When you love, everything becomes the reason. You love it because it is what it is. You love it because of its nature. You just love it because you just did," she said deeply making me frown. I barely understand what she said.

"I don't understand," I replied honestly. She just smiled at me and approach me after getting my medicine in my med-cart. She sat beside me and caressed my long straight hair.

"You'll understand soon. For now, just drink this," she commanded which I followed. She just stopped by my room for a span of maybe, ten minutes or so. We spend that time talking about my health condition before she hurriedly left because of an emergency call. Nurse Sai is a head nurse anyway. She might be needed so badly.

And jumping into my health.

I rise and watch myself in the mirror that they put in my room. Ever since I got here, maybe six months ago or so, I must say that I've gained weight. I was so thin back then that I almost look like a walking skeleton, but now, my condition is getting better.

I have this rare condition in which my heart is most likely to stop beating any moment from now. It is incurable, as the doctors said, and they don't know or they haven't figured out yet what it causes and what triggers it.

I mean, I looked fine after all. I have my long hair with me, fine weight, and a strong body. If a person who doesn't know my condition would look at me, that person must say that I am fine and healthy well-being.

But like what the doctors said, I am like a good model car on the outside and a trash kind of a car on the inside. When looking at my physical appearance, I may look like a good quality that could run for hours but when you start its ignition, it won't run. It'll just make some startling noises and end up never running at all and yes! I just compared myself with a car.

In short, I am like an invisible time bomb that any moment from now, I might explode without us knowing. That is why my family decided to confine me here in the hospital. I am just glad that my family can afford the finances. Not to brag, but my family is a middle-class type. My mom is a local businesswoman and my father is a civil engineer. Our family is stable when it comes to financing.

Of course, I have a little sibling that's still in the womb of my mother. So, technically, I'm going to be a big sister soon! I guess that will be three to four months from now? Or five? After seventeen years, finally!

Ever since I got here six months ago, any symptoms that involve my sickness don't occur or show at all. That somehow ends my family's

and of course, mine

dilemma if I would start schooling again or just stay in the four corners of my hospital room.

"A box of cake for Alicia Ky?" A familiar voice suddenly said. I turn my gaze on the owner of the voice only to see my father who is now holding an open box of cake in his right hand and three helium balloons in his left hand.

"Dad!" I exclaimed excitedly. I saw my mom from behind who suddenly pull my father's hair making him groan, but I know that it doesn't hurt. Maybe my dad is just overreacting.

"Can't you go inside a little faster?" Mom said in her famous sarcastic tone. My father just pouted and give way for my mom.

I just laugh at them. They are always like that. They act like high school lovers when in fact, they're not! They're in their mid-30s. My mom is 35 while my dad is 38. They still looked young for their age thou. My mom still looks like in her youth. Maybe 20 or a year older and that goes the same with my dad.

"Mom!" I greeted her with a big smile plastered on my face.

As my mom entered my room, she immediately hugged me tight that I feel her baby bump. Her tummy is kinda big for a normal five months old. Is she five months pregnant from now? I really can't remember clearly but I know it's in between five or six months.

"How are you, sweetie?" she asked me. It's been three days since they last visited me because they got somewhat busy with our business and that's okay with me. I mean, I don't want to bother them that much. Besides, I'm okay.

"I feel better," I answered my mom. I saw my dad on my peripheral vision that he put the cake on my table

which Nurse Sai just cleaned

and tie the three helium balloons on my chair before approaching me.

"I missed you," my dad said while hugging me. I chuckled. My parents are so clingy.

"Well, I missed the both of you too. And of course, baby," I answered them. I sat on my bed and touched my mom's baby bump. "Do you feel good?" I asked her.

"I feel better now that I see you, my sweetie. Come feel it, your siblings," she said. I blinked as I heard what she said.

"Did you just said 'siblings'? Plural?" I asked her. She glanced at my dad who is now blushing like a teenage boy while smiling.

"Guess what, Ali?" my dad paused on what he's about to say and get something from his pocket. He pulled out a folded paper in his pocket and gave it to me. My eyes widened when I saw it. It was an ultrasound result of my mom.

"These..." I can feel my eyes begin to water as I read the result.

"They are twins, love!" my mom exclaimed so happily bursting me into tears. I didn't expect it. After so long, God doesn't just give us one blessing, but two! They are twins!

"Why aren't there any genders here?" I said while roaming my eyes on the paper, looking for the genders.

"Surprise, Ali. Surprise," dad explained in the shortest possible way. I just nod my head.

"I'm so happy for the both of you, mom and dad," I said with my teary eyes trying to fix and control my emotions.

"Careful with the tears, Ali. Your heart," dad reminded me. He grabbed the tumbler that I put on my bedside table earlier before looking in the mirror and gave it to me. I gladly accept it and sip on its straw as I try to calm myself.

Yes, my heart is so sensitive that doctors forbid me to feel so much emotion. I can be happy, but I must not be too happy. I can be sad, but I must not fall into the category of too much sadness. I must not feel too weary, too stressed, too excited and many to are to be particular. So, I learned how to control all my emotions ever since I got here and calm myself with the help of deep breathing. And voila! I'm healing.

Like what philosophers said in the quotation, "Lacking is deadly, so as too much is deadly too", I am the living proof! I'll die if I lack self-control and I'll die if I feel too much emotion. Sucks right? When your heart holds you back from feeling the emotion you wanted. Well, I get used to it. As if I got another choice.

"I think I'm getting better, Dad. You don't need to worry too much," I said then I smiled at him. My mom sat beside me and caressed my hair. She even gently and lightly combs my hair using her fingers.

Silence enveloped the whole room. My mom was on my side combing hair, my dad standing near my table where my artworks are attached on the wall and then there's me, I rested on my mom's shoulders while my right hand is on her baby bump.

"Mom!" I suddenly screamed looking at her baby bump shockingly. My mom seems to startle when she heard my scream that she bounced a little making me giggle.

"You're giving us a heart attack, Ali," my dad commented. I saw him slicing the cake and transferring some on a saucer.

"What's with you, Alicia?" my mom said while glaring at me. I fixed my eyes and hand on her baby bump.

"They kicked!" I excitedly said. My excitement rose when I felt another strong kick from my mom's baby bump. I giggled.

I felt my mom tap my back so, I fixed my composture. My mom raised an eyebrow at me and there I was, like a child, who pretended that nothing happened while sipping on her empty tumbler's straw and roaming my eyes on the different corners of my room, avoiding their sights.

"Remember what the doctor told you," my mom said. "Too much emotion can—" I cut her words off.

"Can be dangerous for Alicia's health so, as much as possible, keep her calm every time blah blah blah..." I said making my mom throw her deadly glare at me. I let go of my tumbler leaving it to roll on my bed as I held my mom's hands. "Mom, I'm perfectly fine. You don't need to worry too much. See? I am a strong, independent cutie."

"What cutie? Just strong and independent," my dad commented making me frown and my mom laugh. He approaches us holding two saucers with a chocolate cake.

"You make my heart skip a beat, dad," I glared at him. He just shrugs his shoulders as he gives mom one of the saucers. He smirked at me but didn't answer. Instead, they both ate their cakes. I feel my forehead wrinkled. "What about mine, dad?"

"Oh, I forgot. Self-service." And they laughed at me.

I shook my hand as I stand up getting myself a piece of cake. My family is such a nuisance sometimes, but I just can't deny the fact that the way they pester me is also the way to make me happy and contented.

If I would have given a chance to have a second life, I will still choose them as my parents. I will still choose them as my family.

My mom, Alice Ky who is a hard-working woman and a loving mother who never gets tired of making us feel loved. My dad, Engr. Peter Ky is also a hard-working man and a loving father and a husband to my mom who always looks at us with a sparkle in his eyes and treats us as his treasure. And soon, with my new siblings. The twins.

I am Katrina Alicia Ky. 17 years old. I have this rare heart condition wherein my heart holds me back from feeling the emotion I wanted and this is my journey.