Michael stared blankly at his notebook. It was a diary notebook that his sister gave him as a practical joke when he was sixteen. It disgusted him before, but now, his nineteen-year-old self had suddenly developed a liking for writing his thoughts. Somehow, writing suddenly became therapeutic for him. Although there were times when he didn’t have the motivation to hold the pen, and tonight was just one of those times.

Heaving a sigh, Michael turned off the light from his lampstand and decided to crawl back to his bed. It was already 1:30 A.M., but sleep seemed to have forgotten to make love with him tonight. Thoughts were running through his mind, blocking him from sleeping. He kept thinking about that frat party that Diego was talking about in school.

They did not invite him to a frat party. Being the quietest boy in the class, Michael had no interest in such activities. But when his long-time best friend, Diego, finally took a chance of joining the Boys In Town Fraternity, things suddenly got complicated.

“You should join us, Michael,” he remembered Diego saying. “The guys are super cool, and you even get free pizzas at every frat meeting.”

Diego was also nineteen. Was a lanky boy and the complete opposite of him. Michael always aced the tests in their classes, while Diego was always at the bottom. Despite that, Diego was popular because he was part of the school’s basketball team. His popularity was because of his endearing charm and extrovert antics. Michael, on the other hand, was the silent type.

“You need to go and join, brother. They will like you! With the brain that you have, those frat boys will surely elect you as one of the frat counselors.”

Michael wasn’t able to stifle a laugh. “You always think in advance, brother.”

Diego ran his thumb on his nose out of habit and replied, “Of course! I am always thinking about your future, man.”

“I wish you are also thinking about your future then. We’ll have a test in geometry in less than an hour.”

“Jeez! Is that true?” Diego said in horror as he hastily scanned his math notebook. “Fuck! I did not study.”

Michael only shook his head and chuckled a little. It didn’t surprise him anymore.

Now, as he laid in his dim-lighted room, he cannot help but imagine the things that might happen if he accepted Diego’s invitation.

“The frat party is exclusive to the fraternity brothers, but we were told that we could bring a plus one. I want you to be my plus one because I might not be able to bring you any more next time.”

Michael’s eyebrows furrowed, looking suddenly confused.

“I don’t mean to say that I am disappointed by what I just heard, but I’d like to ask what’s the reason you won’t be inviting me anymore in the future?”

Diego looked at him with his usual are-you-a-dummy look and said, “Girls, my man. Of course, with me in the frat and the basketball team, girls will be unlimited!”

Michael could only smile when his train of thoughts started to replay that conversation with Diego. Girls had been hitting on him a lot, despite his low intelligence. It’s no issue anymore.

Heaving a sigh, Michael laid to his side and contemplated. The ceiling fan above him was murmuring, adding stress to his weary and sleepless mind. The school year had just started a week ago. He had no problems with his grades and he seemed to get by everyday in school. His life, which was pretty uneventful, was okay with a few friends and crushes. He convinced himself that he was not having depression. But the insomniac tendencies were always there.

His mom had already brought him to the doctor because he bothered her so much about this, but the meds only worked for a while. And he also hated it. Antihistamines, for example, often caused daytime drowsiness which affected his performance in class.

Michel reached for his phone, which was lying on his study table. He lay on his bed and opened his Facebook. He was just randomly swiping through various posts, seeing distinct faces, and watching a variety of videos. He also visited several profiles, including Diego’s. His dimwitted friend even posted a photo of him on his birthday last year. He was scowling because he also did not like posting a picture. Michael also visited his wall as and saw that his last post was already months ago.

Just then, a message notification appeared on his screen. Unexpectedly, it was Diego.

“Man, did you ask for permission already?”

Frowning, Michael shot him a reply.

“No.”

“Ok. I will tell Aunt now.”

“Wtf.”

“I’m serious!”

Michael decided not to reply anymore, feeling suddenly anxious of the three dots that were still dancing on the screen.

“Just so you know, I won’t come with you tomorrow,” he replied. "I will not allow it."

There was no answer for three minutes, adding tension in his already weary mind.

Just then, Michael almost cursed himself when Diego sent a screenshot of his conversation with Michael's mom.

“That wouldn't be necessary. Your mom already said yes.”