I hadn’t thought of coming back to the dusty old desert town, since the day the taxi came to fetch me from our old paint chipped house.

I got in the plane and never looked back. This town never had any ambition. My dreams were bigger, my mind hungry for things that this town could never have offered.

Driving down this old crumbling “highway” that led to the heart of the Kalahari Dessert, my mind drifted back to growing up in a place that never saw rain; only blistering heat and the golden orange hue of the endless rolling sand dunes.

This town held all my firsts. My first science fair; my first gold medal

and last

; my first kiss; my first love; my first encounter with a man; my first heartbreak; my first rebound; and my first what I considered friend.

All happened in this town. Who I am today was shaped by the people of this town. But that annoying crumbling feeling in the pit of my stomach wouldn’t leave.

I reached the outskirts of the town and pulled off the road. I needed to breathe. I needed fresh air. I got out the car, a warm, prickling breeze brushed over my bare arms. My skinny jeans suddenly feeling like shackles around my legs. They needed to come off!

I dragged my confined legs to the rear of the car popped the metal boot and dug in my bag for a pair of shorts.

I looked around the flattened horizon, pleased to see no cars coming from either direction, I started freeing my legs from their confines.

I turned to face the car, my hand resting on the tail light, my now bare arse facing the road. I fought the jeans as the clung to my ankles. I heard the engine next, “Great! First day back and this is how I welcome myself ‘home’!” I thought inwardly. I slowly turned to watch the passing pickup, my breathe caught, a face so familiar stared back at me, but no recognition passed through his gaze. I’m not entirely sure he spared my spectacle a moment’s notice.

“I need a drink!” I declared aloud to the empty abyss.

I got back into the car, blasted the A/C to cool the raging embarrassment I felt as well as the burning sensation of the afternoon Kalahari sun on my now pale skin.

I drove thoughtlessly until I saw a familiar setting. This bar held all our teenage memories. This was the only place that would serve a bunch of rowdy teenagers without a care.

I pulled in. I left the ignition on, last bit of cool air before the wall of heat that awaited me outside. I looked at myself in the rear view mirror, “Fuck, Clara. No wonder he didn’t spare you a second, you look like shit!” I exclaimed to myself as I attempted to fix the; now smeared; make up I applied the day before. I whipped the unruly mop of chocolate curls into a somewhat presentable messy bun. Gave myself one last looks, “This is as good as it’s getting, doll.” I sighed to myself.

I forced myself out the car and sluggishly walked myself towards the bar doors.

I swung the door open, relieved at the wall of cold musty air that awaited me. I could smell stale cigarettes. Man, I could use one right now. I quit 5 years ago, but this place brings back so many memories, my heart feels confused.

I walk to the counter order at St. Louis, a local beer I have not had since I left 10 years ago. I thank the bar tender, cracked open the can and took a large gulp. As refreshing as I remembered. As I brought my head forward again and lazily opened my eyes, I caught the sight of the ghost again.

A face so pain strikingly familiar, a face I never held, a face I never held close to me, but a face that made my heart race, my stomach clench and sent a jolt of electricity through every nerve ending in my body settling between my legs.

How is it that after 10 years, I still crumble at the sight of this man? I’m not a teenager anymore, I’m not naive, I’m educated, I’m independent and yet the sight of this man ruins my ability to think or speak.

I turn away from him, I rest my arms on the bar, looking at the photos that line the bar. I spot my face in many of them. I looked so happy, content if I must say. Why do I remember everyday being so miserable when my youthful face told a much different story.

I was so lost in thought I didn’t notice the presence of the man who slid in next to me.

“Recognize someone?” the voice broke through to me, although more rough, and carry hints of sorrow, I knew Damien was standing beside me.

“No, just admiring.” I lied.

“I hate looking at those pictures,” he sighed.

“Oh?” I said mindlessly, trying not to focus on the magnetic pull pulsing from his strong defined arms, millimeters away from my own.

“They remind me of what a fool I was.” He said starring at a picture of the two of us with our partners at the time.

This photo always held significance within our story. Annabel, my best friend and his girlfriend, on the far left, Damien and I in the middle and Zayden, my boyfriend at the time. Annabel and Zayden both starring happily at the camera, while Damien and I stared at each other. Pure love and admiration in our eyes.

I breath in deeply and release a sigh.

“I enjoyed your show earlier…” he trailed off “sorry I didn’t get your name?”

“I didn’t offer it.” I smirked at him

A quick smile flashed over his face, “Sassy, I like that!” He mused. “Damien,” he held out his hand.

This man who has made me melt since I was a teen truly did not recognize me. My heart sank.

“Clarissa,” I lied, taking his hand in mine. Our eyes met, his eyes hid something. I couldn’t make it out, I stole a glance at the photo, the warmth, love and youthful spark had left his eyes, leaving behind baren blue wastelands.

We spoke for hours, about life, my travels to this forgotten old town, and work.

I told him I was a professor at a prestigious university, and how my research was changing the way everyone in my field looked at modern medicine. He told me a story about a girl he once knew who had big dreams and aspirations to change the world, who said one day she’d be a professor. He spoke of a girl hungry for knowledge and full of youthful energy and a lust for things bigger than this town. In his eyes remembrance and a sad longing. I, too remember this girl. She seems so far away.

As the night wore on we became more comfortable, possibly a little drunker. I found myself standing between this mans legs. Laughing at a joke with ease and a sort of comfort that comes from years of knowing someone. After 10 years apart he still felt like home.

I leant forward to take my drink from the bar, leaning over him when suddenly I felt his lips brush against mine.

Electricity shot through me, it settled in a supercharged bundle between my legs. I broke free, my breath caught in my throat, I could feel the spark of lust in my eyes, his eyes did not mirror the same, instead he wore a look of confusion in his eyes.

He pulled some cash from his pocket slapped it down on the bar counter, he collected his jacket from the seat next to him, took my hand and led me to the back door.

My heart pounding through my chest. What was happening?

He walked me silently to the row of prefab houses that lined the back of the property. Had these always been here? I found myself wondering.

We got to the door, he turn to me tentatively. The moonlight illuminated that same look from inside. What was going on in his head?

He lowered his head to mine, and took me with a kiss so deep and passionate I though my head would explode. We pushed our way inside. He shut the door behind him and pushed me deeper into the house. The bundle of nerves between my legs ached, I felt his body close in on mine as my back made contact with a wall. His cock rock hard against my hip. This sent an instant pool of wetness down between my legs. I couldn’t hold mysef back anymore. This man, this body that I have craved for over 10 years was finally mine, even if he didn’t know who I was, tonight he was mine.

I dropped to my knees, I undid his belt and dropped his jeans to the floor. He looked down at me with that same confusion.

I used my hands, to slowly pry his cock free, I licked my lips in anticipation. I forced all of him into my mouth at once. I slacked my jaw to allow all of him in. I sucked hard, twisting my tongue around his swollen tip, moans escaped his throat as I worked his cock further down my throat, I gagged repeatedly but kept going, each gag sending a pulse though him making his cock shake with excitement.

Before he could come, he removed himself from my mouth, a slight pang of disappointment settled in my chest, I felt empty.

I rose to my feet, he silently undid my short and dropped them, he hitched my legs around his waist and slid me further up the wall. My vagina was in line with his mouth, need and want shot through my tender clit as he attached his mouth to it. I moaned with pleasure as he worked his tongue and mouth around my sensitive bud.