'I couldn't even cry much,

I was left with nothing,

Not even the sorrow of having nothing.

The room was dimly lit.

Little flame of candles reminding me of the ashes of all that i lost.

I recalled the pool of blood looking at the maroon walls.

The calloused pair of hands touching my body were gentle but every touch made me feel like i'm tainted, disgusting, dirty;

For it was all loveless. There was no love between us.

NO LOVE.

NO LOVE.

I felt like my body was numb. Hollow.

I felt like my heart was clenched yet ready to break out of my ribcage.

I wanted him to get off of me.

I wanted to push him away

But how? How could I?

I had no right to push that man away.

I was his. He owned me.

But what about my heart?

Who owned my heart?

Azhar.

I could hear my own voice screaming his name in my head.

"Azhar! Azhar!"

My love. My only love. My knight.

But he was gone. He was taken from me.

And now, i was left with nothing,

Not even the sorrow.

But rage. Rage was rooted in my veins.

Fury was all that the void of my eyes concealed deep within.

But i could do nothing.

I laid there, still and cold from inside,

while the man ravaged me in the name of my duties as his wife.'

Closing the diary and hiding it under her pillow, Azrah let out a sigh.

It wasn't the first time she was reading this page. She was familiar with each page of the diary.

She found the diary when she was eighteen, that is, two years ago. She has known the story of those thick yellow pages by heart, but each time she feels the same thing-

Pity. Sympathy.

She scoffs at herself and mumbles-

'It seems you can still feel'

'for her only' she adds in her head.

Then taking a deep breath, she put her head on her pillow comfortably while covering herself with the soft duvet.

It's midnight. But sleep was nowhere to be found.

The room was glowing with the silvery white light descending from the moon with grace.

One would look and say the room was filled with serenity. Yet thousands of thoughts rushed all together through her head.

But it wasn't something new though. That's how she has always been-

Chaotic thoughts but calm and calculated actions,

All knowing mind but eyes that show nothing.

Oh her eyes, her dark brown irises, the longer you look in them the deeper you get lost in it. Her eyes were an abyss that held secrets one couldn't decipher.

She wasn't the kind of beauty you hear about in fairy tales; Her beauty was terrifying-

The kind that makes you stop in your tracks.

She was beautiful in a way the moss on rocks is.

She was beautiful in a way the abandoned castles are.

She was like a fruit Eve was forbidden to have. Delicious yet lethal.

In the silence of her huge room, Azrah could hear her own breath and she kept focusing on her breath, hearing it.

Till her mind lingered to the curtains fluttering with wind,

then her attention was grabbed by the candles of the candle-stand.

And just like that her mind kept lingering for around three hours, but finally it settled into nothingness of a slumber.

And then began the dream as flashes of memories-

'Laying on her mother's lap, little Azrah was playing with the ends of her mother's long brunette hair.

Azrah candidly asks "Mama, why does everyone say i look like you? Are we twins?"

Valissa, Azrah's mother let out a small laugh and softly replies-?

"No, it's because you are my daughter. God blessed me with you so that, you could do all what i hoped to do, but couldn't"

combing Azrah's hair with her delicate fingers, Valissa continues-

"Your dark brown eyes, your brunette hair, your pale skin, your small pug like nose and your intelligence; you were gifted with all of these so that when i die, i could see my reflection in you, from above, as you fulfill all my dreams.

You'll do what i couldn't, right Azrah?"

'You'll do what i couldn't.

You'll do what i couldn't, right Azrah?'

The whole night passed with the echo of her mother's voice saying the same words again and again-

You'll do what i couldn't.

And the next morning waking up, she mumbled recalling her dream- "Yes mama, I will"

It was a tradition in the kingdom of Lenara, to remember and pray for one's beloved dead souls on the next morning of 8th full moon, each year.

Like everyone, Azrah was dressed in the colour of mourning, black.

She was standing in the hallway, staring at a wall with so much focus as if all the secrets were written on it.

"Azrah, good morning dear!" said the heavy voice of an elder man. Azrah swiftly turned around to meet the green eyes of none other than King Zilos himself.

Azrah greeted him with a soft smile-

"Good morning to you too, father"

Just then came a tall young man with the same green eyes as King Zilos's.

Prince Nirow, Azrah's younger brother.

"Sorry for being late" exclaimed Nirow.

"It's okay we both just came too....

Anyway, let's go now." Azrah said walking towards the exit of the palace.

.

.

The walk of few miles to the royal graveyard was spent in silence.

Azrah and Nirow quickly knelt near a grave."Valissa" their mother's name, was carved on its headstone.

Quitely they both prayed to God to forgive each sin of their mother and to bless her with heaven.

Zilos just kep standing behind them, head held down looking at the grass uttering no word.

Few minutes later, when Azrah and Nirow were ready to return to the palace.... The King asked both the kids to go ahead and told that he'll come back later.

While returning to the palace Nirow suddenly asked "Is father in the graveyard to pray for Hina?"

Azrah replied in a small voice hiding bitterness "Ofcourse."

Hina. King Zilos's first wife and the only woman he claimed that he has ever loved. She died twenty-one years ago of a fever no one found a cure for. King prays and weeps sitting next to her grave on this ocassion, each year.

.

.

Later that evening, when Azrah was sitting in the garden, reading scriptures that the minister provided her about the political and social issues of the kingdom.

Azrah saw King Zilos approaching her bench. She gave him a small smile as he sat next to her.

They both were sitting in a comfortable silence looking at the bushes and flower, for a while when

Azrah suddely asked- "You truly loved that woman, Hina, right?"

The king was caught off gaurd but he quickly steadied his surprised expression and said adjusting his posture-

"No". Azrah looked at him, knitting her brows but then, with his bright green eyes shinning at the memories of past that seemed so real to be forgotten, he added -

" I still love her. I never stopped loving Hina. She owns a manor in my heart and no one could ever enter that manor. I not just loved her. I truly still love her."

Azrah had no idea how she felt about his answer. But she asked her next question because the answer of this question mattered to her-

"What about my mother? You never loved her, right? Not even when she was dying. Why did you marry mama if you knew you couldn't love any woman other than Hina."

The king saw the reflection of Valissa in Azrah for a second as she asked the question. He sighed and replied-

"Look Azrah dear, you're a woman now.

I won't lie to you. I cared for your mother. Her death was painful for me too, after all, she was my wife and the mother of my children. But I married her because, she was supposed to complete the duty Hina couldn't. As a queen of one of the largest northern kingdom, our Lenara kingdom she was meant to give me a heir for the throne. And see, what i've got now"

He cupped Azrah's cheek in his palm, and continued looking at her with pride in his eyes-

"Two brilliant children, Azrah and Nirow. A precious daughter and son, I'm so proud of you both. And as you know, Nirow's birthday is in a week, he will be turning nineteen this year, after his birthday's celebration, I will judge you both in a competition and the one who wins, shall be the next ruler. Please don't disappoint me"

Azrah calmly nodded and claimed looking straight in his eyes-

"I understand, father.

I will not disappoint you."