what is happiness? Is it so hard to be happy? why I can't be happy? I was always searching for happiness but I couldn't find it.

Hi my name is Nabi. Nabi is Korean name. It means butterfly. My dad gave me this name. He wants me to be happy and find the beautiful flower of my life.

when I was 19 I started living alone. My dad wants me to be independent. Do what I want to in my life. But from the childhood I suffered from lots of things. when I was a kid I thought when I started live alone I will be happy but no I couldn't find happiness.

I never show my sadness to anyone. Always I have smile on my face. Everyone thinks that I'm happy but actually I'm not. Always I show my bright side who love her life, love to smile and love everything. I think it's good to show your bright side to people so that they can be happy too. I don't want anyone worry for me.

My dad always think I'm happy. He said he can understand how I feel. But he always lying with me. My dad name is Steven. He is a doctor. My mom's name is scarlet. when I was 5 years my mom committed suicide because my dad cheated on her. Mom love dad so much that she couldn't take it so she decided to take her life.after that my dad got marry with Sia. when ever I saw her face it reminds me that because of her my mom killed herself. But I can't hate her because my dad loves her. My dad and Sia killed my mom and I couldn't do anything. My dad always says that he loves me more then anything in this world.But I can't trust him. I was kid then but I understand that love is harmful, love can kill you, love is bad. After that I decide to never love anyone in my life. Till now I'm following this.

I have 2 best friends they make me happy when I'm sad. one is lavender and another one is Andy.. I had a great crush on Andy. But unfortunately he is a gay. I help him to find his love. Andy's boyfriend is Sam. Andy is very cheering and funny guy and on the other hand Sam is very quite and serious guy. I think they are best with each other. lavender she is a sweetheart. We are like sisters. I can tell anything to her. She is my first friend. I'm introvert and shy so I can't talk with people but because of her now I can talk with everyone. I'm so lucky that I have found them.

I started art school. I thought art will give me happiness and it really give me when I'm making statue or when I'm sketching or when I'm painting and coloring every makes me happy. But when I go back home and lying on bed and thinking what I am doing in my life?

One day after the school I come back home and lying on sofa and thinking about my mom why she did this? she never think about me.. I miss her so much and then suddenly my room got bright when I look at my left side I see a white hole. I was shock I don't know what to do. I started going near to the hole. Then suddenly someone hold my hand Forcibly taken away.