DJ dragged me through the barn eager to meet her stall; her hooves making a clicking-like music echoing throughout the barn. I should have been exhausted after repairing the pasture fence; instead I had this numbing pain in my soul. It was pain that I tried to not think about yet it was like this old friend that never went away. A throbbing that gripped me and dragged me away from this earth. I took her halter off slowly and she shook her head up, happy to be free of leather constraints. The barn looked dreary like on a cool spring day when the sun was half in the clouds and rays just warmed the edges of whatever it touched. The trees swayed in the wind like they were about to dance. Specks of light faded in through the skylights where some bales of timothy laid. Surrounding this immense structure was a 50-acre pasture of open grasses that were divided into large fenced-in turnouts for the animals. I had two horses that were my own; one of which I let my neighbor sort of lease in exchange for her help. The house looked so far away that I felt as if I were walking for hours to reach it. Over my shoulder, I could see the barn and it wasn’t dreary this time; however, there was a loud noise echoing now. It grew louder and louder until I felt the urge to cover my ears. As I moved, I realized drowsily that I was waking up to my alarm ringing next to my head. It was a dream like many others that I often had and only half remembered.

It was 5am, ughh. I hated myself sometimes for even thinking I wanted to take care of these horses; what a stupid idea. It was the middle of January and in New Jersey, the temperature is too cold. I threw some old blue jeans old on, a grey t-shirt and tossed my hair around in the mirror smiling. Another day, I thought nonchalantly. I hit the bathroom and brushed my teeth.

“Chevelle, get up. You are going to be late for school,” I demanded. Thank God, I don’t go there anymore; three years and counting now. School wasn’t for everyone. I never felt the need to fit in like the others. To put on a fake mask was a lie. I had a few good friends and they went off to college. I put college off for now until I knew what I actually wanted to do with myself.

“Uhhhh, go away Justin.” Chevele turned to face away.

“Okay whatever, I am out of here, it will be your funeral,” I huffed and knew that it was a lie; only I was around to care. Gabriel was our father’s only brother and he traveled almost every week since we have known him. He owned his own consulting firm and I didn’t need him around so there was never much to miss.

My sister got up a few minutes later. She was definitely not your average girl. She had an athletic physique and long blonde hair with a cute mole on her cheek like Cindy Crawford; she dressed in the designer-you-name-it. Good looks were probably the only thing she had going on haha jk. Men gawking at her sent triggers through my spine. Anger was natural as daylight for me. I could just ignite it and the emotions consumed me like a rush of fire. Grabbing my winter coat, I left the house and took off running to meet up with my only hired hand. I hit the dirt leaving huge gashes as I flew past the bushes; running was a good outlet as I sprinted until completely out of breath toward the barn. My muscles were so tight the sweat tickled over my forehead. I could see Jocelyn in the distant near “Vain” a 17-hand Friesian stallion whom I let her lease for the time-being. This horse was insane; Vain was like a human male on steroids around everyone but not with her. Within the second Jocelyn was around the beast, he was immediately placid. She had a sedative effect I had to agree with. She was walking him out to the pasture; Vain was dancing in place as she slowly walked him. He looked like a God as the sun hit his glossy coat.

Joss was from a family of 5 and had the “normal family;” a typical girl next store. Her curly black hair always pulled back and we both agreed on a similar style of clothing which consisted of jeans and t-shirts/sweatshirts etc. Her clothes fit snug today as I watched her silently unaware of my own gaze. She looked up and was smiling now.

“Are you ready to do all the work again?” she laughed.

Grinning at her sarcasm, I flexed my forearm then drew my other arm up and squeezed tight around the stall and smiled deviously. “Do I look like I take orders from chicks? ha” I sauntered back and continued to flex like a Greek God.

“Yes, actually you do. I recall you listening to me yesterday when I told you not to pick out Vegas’s back hind hoof. Looks like you’re the child now, huh?” She circled me now. I crossed my long arms then stroked back the hair out of my face with arrogance that could make many a king proud.

“I watched Vegas’s attempt to kick you the other day. So, technically my observation overruled your attempt to persuade me.” I gestured sarcastically and couldn’t help staring at her this morning as she glared at me with frustrated eyes. She was easily aggravated which only made our work more fun for me at least. I started whistling to distract my mind. It wasn’t helping. Haha

Aware of my gaze over her, she quickly changed subjects. “Let's just get this over with; I want to get into town later.” Her eyes remained focused at the bottom pit of the stall. What was wrong with her now? I thought and shook my head grinning.

“Do you have to stare?” She stammered.

“I am only admiring what you want to show me today” I bit my lip back to hold back the smile.

“You wish!” she snapped. Her dark blue eyes scolded me.

After a minute, I kept quiet, realizing my kidding might be hitting a nerve.

We finished the entire barn in about 5 hours. The process is pretty simple. There is feeding, haying, cleaning, mucking, turn-outs, etc... The barn is always kept spotless since most of our clients are well off; equine enthusiasts. The 40 stalls all face behind a large indoor riding arena that would fit an ice rink if we allowed it. We were constantly exercising the horses. Riding is sort of a rush, especially with the horses we own. Horses with such extensive quality breeding and training made them priceless. My uncle had a fine taste in horses of which I shared. Jocelyn loved to ride, that we did have in common.

We are so similar that we have become best friends over the years but occasionally fight like cats and dogs.

“Ok, I’m going into town, coming?” she asked.

“Ah. Nope. I rather not.” I looked up and grinned.

”Justin…” she huffed arms crossed now, leg stamping.

“Umm, let me think---no. Stuff to do here, so little time. I don’t hang out with kids anyway.” I winked; knowing she was only a year younger than me.

“Please----?” She stood an inch from me; her eyes narrowing. Damn she smelled good, like fresh mint.

“Joss, though it kills me to see you beg, I will---See you later...” At that, I headed to where I left my horse DJ and jumped up on her back and tapped the mare’s girth with the back of my heel ever so gently. DJ, a willing Trakehner standing 17.1 hands high, took this beckoning with great pleasure jumping into the air at a full gallop; I nearly fell off her. She must have felt my disorganization and slowed some, which I was grateful for. I hitched my leg back around her and encouraged the mare on. She was smooth sailing now. Riding was like gliding through the air on a windy day or like standing near a ledge knowing you are completely safe. Most people don’t find this connection to an animal. Like humans, animals learn relationships based upon trust and understanding. I loved her like any human I cared for. Her soul spoke to mine and we trusted each other.

I heard Joss’s low hiss in the background, and that just set me off. I couldn’t help myself as the hysterics rolled in and my laugh echoed through the mountains. I will do hard-time for that one as they say. The sky was a deep, dark blue with purple and the clouds pitch-white as the wind flew by us like cool frosty caresses. As the gallop slowed into a much-needed walk, a thought occurred to me. I sort of knew deep down that she liked me more than she put off. We grew up together and always got along. My feelings were numb to begin with so trying to figure her out and what I wanted was nearly impossible. It was hard growing up without parents and watching everyone around me with so much love. I began to feel nothing as time went on. Lost. Everyone knows what they want to do with their life and here I am horsing around ha. I promised myself I would stay strong no matter what road I chose. A shield against the pain. I consoled my own. I did not experience a love for another like so many have. My sister was like me; we adapted quickly to the environment given; alone we became independent.